I’ve always had a complicated relationship with patience.
If something doesn’t happen when I think it should… I shut it down. Walk away. Start over.
Rinse. Repeat.
And honestly? That pattern has shown up everywhere in my life, especially in my career.
I used to tell myself I just wasn’t cut out for long-haul things. Maybe I was meant for short bursts of success. That if something wasn’t “working” fast enough, it probably wasn’t meant for me. But deep down, that wasn’t the truth.
The truth is:
🔹 I never gave things enough time.
🔹 I didn’t trust myself to follow through.
🔹 And I was chasing what I thought I should be doing, not what truly lit me up.
💸 The Money Trap
Like a lot of us, I’ve spent most of my life chasing money. Because let’s be real, money does make the world go round, and survival isn’t optional. But somewhere along the way, I internalized this belief that money was all that mattered in work. That meaning was optional. That emotional peace wasn’t part of the job description.
I bartended for nearly 20 years. I was damn good at it. Fast money, fast pace, constant validation. I made real success out of it, but as my social anxiety started creeping in and my personal life shifted, bartending started to feel off. I didn’t want to be out until 3 AM pretending to be okay anymore. I wanted peace. Meaning. Something I could be proud of that didn’t require me to mask who I was.
I moved on to other jobs. I climbed the ladder fast. I always do. I lead. I perform. But eventually… the void shows up again. Because even when I’m “successful,” it’s not feeding me the way I need it to.
🎭 Judgment, Image, and That Uncomfortable Bubble
I’ve been anxious not because I’m doing something wrong, but because I’m finally doing something real. I’ve started sharing my thoughts, my writing, my truths, under my own name, on my own platforms. That’s terrifying in a different way.
I’m not scared of strangers reading my words. I’m afraid of people who think they know me.
Old friends I haven’t talked to in years.
A family that never saw the full me.
People, I used to feel obligated to protect with silence.
That’s the core of the discomfort I’ve felt this week, finally stepping out of the bubble I was raised in.
A bubble where image mattered more than truth.
Where we performed for the public and survived in private.
That lesson was taught early. Reinforced often. And now, I’m unlearning it... On purpose.
👣 Where I’m At Now
I’m not prospering financially right now, I am still just "Getting By", but I am prospering in courage, growth, and clarity.
That doesn’t mean I don’t still get impatient (hello, it’s me😏).
But I’m finally learning to accept that building something meaningful takes time. That posting once and expecting a wave of success isn’t realistic. That trusting my process and not running from discomfort is the only way I’ll create the life I know I’m meant for.
And most importantly, I’m giving myself credit.
For showing up. For staying visible. For choosing truth over comfort.
💬 Final Thought
If you're someone who feels like you're always quitting right before things take off…
If you're scared of being seen by the people who “know” you...
If you’re starting over for the 10th time and wondering if it’s too late...
You’re not alone.
And it’s not too late.
Trust your voice.
Give yourself time.
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